Are Your Friends Really Good For You?

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

-Albert Schweitzer

Choosing friends that bring out the very best in you is always the Most Difficult route, but the route worth traveling.

We all know that friends are a necessary part of our happiness in life. We all know that we need them. But when is it time to sever friendships that are no longer serving us?

Over the past 3 years I've worked as a coach and volunteer in helping alcoholics and drug addicts become better people and heal. I recently had a young man come up to me asking me how he could change. He was extremely sincere, and I could tell that he wanted to change.

"I just can't seem to stop using. It's so hard, but I am trying. Will I ever get over this?" he asked.

"Who do you hang out with?" I asked.

He proceeded to tell me the people he was hanging out with were all partying and drinking. I proceeded to tell him something that was told to me years ago that changed my life.

We are who we associate with.

How do you know if a friend is good or bad for you? One of the most difficult things in life is to cut off friendships that no longer serve you. I have had to do it many times. While I will always hold a special place in my heart for them as people, I know that their behaviors are not in allignment with who I want to become.

Think of your own friends and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do They Make Me Feel Better?

A good friend should give you energy, not take energy. Have you ever been around someone that sucks the life right out of you? Run!!! Listen to your heart. If that person does not make you feel better and uplift you in word and in deed, then they are probably not a great friend that is serving you.

2. Are They My Best Cheerleader?

A good friend is not jelous. I have "friends" that pretend to cheer me on but when I acheive a certain goal they are resentful. I true friend is happy for you when you acheive a goal that is important to you. They want you to win, even when they may not be winning themselves.

3. Do They Push Me To Be Better?

A good friend pushes you to become something greater than you are. My friend and business coach Lance does this all the time. He sees more in me than I often see in myself! That is what a good friend does. They hold you accountable, expect more from you, and encourage you to reach the greatness.

Choose your friends wisely and let go of the relationships with friends that are not serving you. Also, ask yourself, " Am I being this type of a friend to others?" If the answer is no, that's Ok. Start today.

Why You Should Develop The Power Of Focus

"The immature mind hops from one thing to another; the mature mind seeks to follow through."
- Harry A. Overstreet

I confess. I'm writing this article because I need it more than anyone else. The principle of developing the power of focus has always been a challenge for me. My study of this topic lately has led me to some wonderful solutions, and my power to focus has greatly increased. I'd now like to pass these things along to you.

Achievers have the power to focus. In the summer of 2010, I had the good fortune to meet and become friends with Olympic Gold Medalist Billy Demong. Billy won the 2010 Nordic Combined event, which is an event that combines two sports-ski jumping and cross country skiing. My business partner and I were approaching Billy about a potential business venture. As the months developed, Billy decided that it was not the right time in his life to pursue another business venture. The reason? Focus. Billy had just won gold in an event that the USA had not won ever since the sport began in the 1920's. After he had won gold, he again set his sights on gold again for the next winter Olympics. Now in 2012, he has remained as focused as ever and is doing very well on the world cup circuit. Billy understands the power of focus.

How can you develop the power of focus? The following are a few suggestions.

1. Get Rid Of Distractions

Do you know what activities give you the highest and best return on your time? You must be able to practice your priorities efficiently so that you can focus. Remove distractions that suck your time! I don't watch television at all, and I have put systems in place to limit the amount of time I spend reading email. What sucks your time? Remove it all together or scale back so that you can spend time on what counts.

2. Make Time To Think and Plan

W. Clement Stone said, "Keep your mind off the things you don't want by keeping it on the things you do want." Switching from task to task can cost you up to 40% in your efficiency. This was the story of my life! Reserve time either before you go to bed or early in the morning to think about your life. Ponder what is important to you. Get clear on what your real dreams and goals are, then develop a plan for them. It's been said that for every 15 minutes you spend in effective planning, you gain 1 hour of efficiency.

3. Focus On What Is Important

Ralph Waldo Emmerson observed that,"Concentration is the secret of stength in politics, in war, in trade, in short all management of human affairs." Keep the items of focus in front of you during your day so you don't get distracted. I actually use an app on my phone called Astrid that pops up during the day to almost annoy me just to make sure that I am doing the things that are highest priority.

In Conclusion

John C. Maxwell says, "To do well at a few things, give up many things." Opportunity is everywhere, but you must focus on what you want. For example, when I was 16 years old, I loved rock climbing, mountain bike racing, skiing, and hiking all very much. I reazized however that I was mediocre at all of them. I then shifted my focus completely to mountain bike racing, and my results soared. What can you cut out of your life to achieve great results in another area of your life? Keep the main thing, the main thing. If you want to achieve a great deal of success in life in a few things, you have to realize that you can't be well rounded. You must live and breathe the power of focus.

"Wherever you are...be there!" - John C. Maxwell.

4 Steps To Giving Killer Compliments People Crave!

As I work around the country on a weekly basis, I am convinced that we as people are starved for compliments! When was the last time you received one?

This past weekend I was on a layover in the Atlanta airport. I was standing in line to get some food at a Mexican restaurant. Before I told the lady what kind of burrito I wanted, she smiled big and said, "I like your shirt!" I was caught off guard. "Oh..thanks," I said. I continued on in the line. The last lady who then rang me up for my meal then said, "That's a cool shirt." Again, I was caught off guard, but I noticed an intant confidence boost. Since I designed my Don't Hit Bikes shirt brand, I was proud. I told the lady that I appreciated that. The warmth of the staff made me enjoy my burrito all the more!

We know how good compliments make us feel, yet why are we so slow to give them out? I'm going to share with you 4 steps you can take today to give compliments that others will crave.

1. Be Aware Of Opportunities

We must first be aware of people and the good they are doing as we go about our day. If we are living Genshai (A word from India that means; "To never treat another person in a manner that would make them feel small") than you will naturally see these opportunities.

2. Look The Person In The Eye

When giving someone a compliment, you need to make the effort to look them in the eye. How are they going to know it is intended for them? Looking people in the eye lets them know you mean it.

3. Be Specific

Tell the person specifically what you like about them. For example, if you are telling someone they have a great laugh, you might say, "You have a great laugh. It uplifts everyone around you and makes them smile!"

4. Ask A Question To Finish It Off

Ask the person a question to show that you are sincerely interested and that you back up what you just said. In continuing our last example about the person's laugh, you might ask, "Do a lot of other people tell you that your laugh is contagious?"

Alvin Soon said, "A compliment is like a gift, if someone doesn't want your gift you'll still end up owning it. The best way to accept one is also like a gift, just say 'Thank You.'" Start practicing the art of giving sincere compliments today. Make a goal to give compliments to 3 different people. The beautiful thing? You can't compliment people and start NOT noticing more of the good in you as well!

3 Powerful Things To Believe In

“What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” -Napoleon Hill

Belief plays a vital role in our lives, especially as we develop stronger perseverance. To me, belief is simply a hope of things working out for the best. It is closely related to hope. However, belief is a stronger conviction than hope in my opinion. Belief is the fuel that propels our soul through life and its challenges.

For years I was caught in addiction. This was not an addiction of drugs and alcohol, but an addiction of destructive behaviors. I was inconsistent to the person who I appeared to be on the outside, and inside I was living a lie. These behaviors would appear when I was out of town, and when “no one was looking.” I believe most of us have some type of addiction, whether it is to food, Facebook, anger, or being a workaholic.

Nearly three years ago, I nearly lost my family from this behavior. I had lost belief in better things. I felt trapped. I nearly took my own life. As I overlooked the cliff that my car was sitting on the edge of, I had a desperate talk with God. Through His mercy, I backed up the car and started my “recovery.” I had a lot of changes to make, and belief has been the guiding principle that has helped me to change. I’ve been able to rid my life of those destructive behaviors and persevered through the challenges.

Here are 3 things that we can believe in to give us strength in perseverance.


1. Belief In A Higher Source

Belief in a Higher Source is powerful. I happen to be a Christian, but this Higher Source has many different names: God, The Universe, Allah, Buddah, Krishna, etc. To be able to call on this Source for strength and guidance has been critical to my perseverance everyday. We can’t do it alone.


2. Belief In Ourselves

Believing that we are a special creation of God, allows us to believe in ourselves. You and I are unique. As Kevin Hall, author of Aspire says, “You are an unrepeatable miracle.” Believe that you have a unique purpose and mission to fulfill here on this planet. Believe that all you need to fulfill that is already within you, it is just your job to untap that potential.

3. Belief In Good Things Happening

W. Clement Stone used to tell Jack Canfield that he believed each day the world was plotting to do him good. What an amazing perspective we all would have if we stopped watching the news so much and believed that instead the world was plotting to serve us it’s best! Belief in a good day, our ability to succeed, to serve, to make positive change is what keeps us going. After storms come sunshine.

Wherever you are right now, whether its the victory stage or the recovery stage, you can harness the power of belief. Start with believing in a higher power and work on that until you have solidified it in your life. Then focus on believing in yourself and finally realize that good things are constantly happening. Using the power of belief will strengthen you as you persevere in this life journey.

Get Consistent, Get Ahead

I still remember an experience to this day that taught me about the power of consistency. I was 15 years old and my friend Scott invited me to my first local mountain bike race.

We drove to the course and I paid my 5 bucks and prepared to race nervously.
The man at the start line counted us down.
"5,4,3,2,1, Go!"

We were off. Right off of the start line was a hill. I was out of breath way too fast! I endured that race painfully. Needless to say it was much harder than I thought it would be and I took second to last.

Losing that race was a hidden learning experience at age 15. I realized that I may not have the most natural gifts, but that I could become the most consistent in my training. I knew that most teenagers my age were messing around doing other things, and that if I would just train everyday effectively, that I would be faster.

That next winter I trained everyday, rain, snow, or shine. I had to start small and build up, but it paid off. My first goal was to climb up the nearby 10% grade hill. Once I could do that, I then focused on riding up the nearby canyon. Each day I did the work, even if I didn’t feel like it! The following Spring, I won several races in a row, and had one of my best seasons ever.

What do you do to employ the power of consistency?

The following are some suggestions that you can take into your life to improve your consistency, which will in turn make your stronger in your perseverance.

Establish 3 “Musts” Each Day

Linda Eyre, who is a New York Times bestselling author, a mother of nine kids, and a parenting expert, talks about doing 3 things per day that are her “musts.”
They include:
1. Doing something for myself
2. Doing something for my business
3. Doing something for someone else

I’ve found this to be valuable. If we establish great habits that will build us each day, we begin to understand the power of consistency.

Eliminate The Useless

Cyclists like to eliminate weight. No cyclist wants to ride a 50 pound bike up a hill. It’s no different with us in life. Eliminate anything that is weighted as useless. What are the life-wasters that are holding you back? Too much TV? Too much Facebooking? Chit chatting with co-workers? Figure out what is slowing you down.

If You Miss, Bounce Right Back

Many people get stressed about if they mess up a day of good habits. Whether you blotch on your diet, your workout, or how you treated your spouse that day, be determined to bounce back ASAP. Instead of saying, “I already messed up my diet, I’ll never be thin,” just do better the next day. Forgive yourself, bounce back, and try harder. Champions try again.

Establish the habits that will consistently get you to where you want to really go. Being consistent day in, day out will catapult you ahead of others who are too lazy to do the little things each day. Get started! Watch yourself ride up that hill of life faster as you develop good habits of consistency.

Drink The Kool-Aid! (And Lots Of It...)

I recently attended a life transforming weekend retreat in beautiful Coronado Island, CA. It was the launch of a new community, a new movement focused around the powerful word Genshai. Gen-what? I can hear you asking. Genshai (pronounced Gen-shy) is an Indian word that means,

"To never treat another person in a manner that would make them feel small-including yourself."

If you think on the meaning of that word, it will begin to transform the way you think day to day. It has for me! Genshai to me, means not making fun of people, and to not backbite or gossip.

I'm ashamed to admit that I used to do this all the time. I'm sure I did it out of my own insecurity, and it was so wrong. For example, I would be at a gas station with my family pumping gas and see another couple that was covered in tattoos, dressed sloppily, and listening to loud music or talking extra loud and funny. I would make remarks to my wife like, "That's W-trash!"

Just writing this memory makes my stomach churn now, but I want to make it clear that I did this all the time. It wasn't always just words that I'd use to belittle someone. Often it would just be inside my head. I was NOT practicing Genshai. I was not viewing each person like my brother or sister. One day my wife said to me, "You know, it honestly really, really turns me off the way that you belittle people and make fun of them."

Daggers to the heart. I knew she was right. I had been making other people feel small for too long. And the interesting thing is that as a result of me doing that to others, I only made myself feel small as well.

I try to live Genshai everyday now. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue or catch my thoughts, but I view everyone in greatness. Why would God view me better than anyone else? I'm a parent, and I truly love each of my two daughters equally.

After my return, I was telling a colleague who is in his late 50's about my retreat and about Genshai. This man is single, lonely, and seems to do what I used to do a lot, belittle other people with his thick sarcasm. I admit, I usually have to really, really try hard to practice Genshai around this man.

As I was telling him about my experience in Coronado, he interrupted me and said:

"You're really drinking the Kool-aid with this positive crap aren't you?"

I just smiled and said, "It's the best Kool-aid out there."

Over the past two days I've been thinking about this. We choose what kind of Kool-aid we drink each day. We can choose the positive, the uplifting, the inspiring, and the things that bring us closer to God and help us better serve people.

Conversely, we can choose a Kool-aid that is dark, depressing, negative, cynical, and that belittles ourselves and others.

Let's choose to drink of the Kool-aid that uplifts and inspires each day. We have the choice. It can start with the books we read, the shows we watch, and the conversations we participate in. Frankly, I RUN from negative. If someone is complaining about the economy, I excuse myself to the bathroom. I also don't watch the news at all. If something is really important, I'll usually hear about it from others. I just don't need to hear about all the murders and rapes etc. I want my subconscious mind clean.

Make the choice today to practice Genshai, and drink clear Kool-aid (and lots of it).

Why We All Need a Coach: The metaphor of the Pioneer Tea Plant.